Todays word is Deception.
Ohh, someones lied to Graham and he is doing a passive aggressive post to let them know he is not happy, wonder if it is me😬? NAH, not at all – I have been lying to all of you equally over the last week or so, it’s ok (that made you feel better didn’t it – or did it – hmmmmmm)
Well people it is 0500 in the morning and this rant is definitely not bought to you with a glass of wine and some drugs (no deception there – honest truth, this morning is bought to you by drugs, coffee and toast). As you ask “Ohh the deception is you have been sleeping fine and just wanted to make your posts sound funny as we laugh at/with you about not sleeping”. Hmm no, I went to bed past 2300 last night and and I was awake by about 0315.
What is the Deception?
Ok so here it is – I have been struggling. I am not “lung well” and the steroids have not been working as they should. It is ok, this is just Radiation Pneumonitis and is a known side effect of the Radiation, just that the treatment plan is umm limited – steroids, oxygen if your not getting enough, rest, steroids, oxygen, rest, cough medicine if your coughing lots – ummm – and umm yeah, you get the picture). My body is working, muscles moving, no aches and pains, the brain is active (too active). I am just running out of breath, I am getting enough O2 in if I am not doing anything.
Graham is the Slugman.
I can sort the kids LEGO out all weekend (wow not doing that again), sit back in a comfy chair/barstool and chat away, enjoy parties (no dancing), dinners, a fine wine (or just a wine or any drink really). What I can not do is romantic walks on the beach, a jog in the park, walk to school, walk too far from the car, make it to my front door without being out of breath, walk faster than a tortoise, not have a coughing fit when the air changes temp by a few degrees, not stand for ages.
My deception to nearly all of you has been simple, turn up to everything in the real and virtual worlds on time with a smile and when asked how am I doing, answer – “yeah not bad and you?”.
To make this deception work I have changed where I park to one of those annoying people looking for the park closest to the door; I take sneaky elevators, escalators to miss stairs; I find a route that will keep me out of the cold including walking through shops, underground etc. All to keep the deception up that I am fine and not struggling.
Don’t deceive your Medical Team
Have I been honest to my medical staff? Yes – that part I have, and you should always be, no deception, no excuses, no lies.
Over the years the Mad Scientist has equipped our home with all sorts of medical test equipment, so grabbed out the old O2 pulse-oximeter reader. I am normally sitting at 99% (coz I have such a large …… lung capacity – well I did before they removed 1/2 my left one). But I had dropped down to more 96/97 and a bit lower if I walk fast/exert myself. The Mad Scientist kept me honest as always as prompted me on making a call to the “Count”. I rang and explained to the “Counts” nurses that I had not improved after a week and in fact, had gotten worse as could not walk too far now.
I was meant to have the dosage of the steroids halved that day but the Count relayed through the nurse “Count a 1 full steroid for the next three weeks mwahhahhahha”. Cool – ohh then the nurse says, “if you have problems breathing, call an ambulance don’t delay, if you get worse but can breath, ring our on-call consultant, but remember if anything gets worse call an ambulance. Let us know how you go on Monday“. Right….thanks for that….hmmmmm
After making my trip to the city yesterday to meet up with friend for a coffee, as part of my mental get out of the house and stay sane programme where I used all my deceptive techniques (well he saw through them), I realised that I had not improved at all.
I rang back the Counts nurses and explained that if they were thinking the steroids should make it better, it hasn’t but if its to maintain how am I, it is working, which I can live with but just want to know, is there anything else I can do to help this? I did explain that I understood the treatment options (umm what were they – ohh yeah steroids, oxygen if you don’t have any getting in, cough medicine if you have a cough and ummm yep were done). The Count calls me back – “Ahh Graham, hooow are yoooo today” and I answer with a laugh “Yeah not bad thanks – still not able to do much” (ohhh I was still doing it). “So you have not got better on ooonnee steroid a day, muhahahahaa” he asked which was followed with “Count two Steroids for the next few weeks – Muhahahaha, if it works see you next Thursday, otherwise come to Transylvania this Thursday” (the Radiation Clinic is not in Transylvania, its a joke – just in case you are reading this on the train/bus/car/at work before your coffee).
So there you have it – I am now double dosing the steroids and from what Dr Google tells me (ok I do check these with the Mad Scientist who reads the medical/clinic/fact based research stuff) and it appears that I am on a fairly upper level dose, less sleep for me.
How to deal with me
Ohhh the important part – How should we treat you Graham? – like an enemy who has lied to your face? – nahh – just the same as always. Do not make too much of a fuss, lets go out for the social stuff we have organised, just understand that I may be sitting down more and not moving and if the steroids are really in play – talking like a madman, until I am out of breath!!!